Contentment, Happiness, and My Family

by Nina 

�I know what house my house will be. It will be just right for me. And a house just right for me must have a fireplace inside, daisies in the yard, cows in the pasture, and, most important, a friend near by.� �from Boats Finds a House by Mary Chalmers 

When my brother was a kid, his very favorite book �Boats Finds a House� was about cat that embarks on a search for his perfect home. The cat, Boats, has a very specific list what is needed to make him happy. And it takes a long while for Boats to find his house. He looks at many, many houses and can�t find one that�s just right, which makes him feel discouraged and sad. Of course, in the end, with some help from various friends, he does find the perfect house. 

�It really was just the right house for Boats and he lived happily ever after.� 

I�m not sure whether this book spoke so strongly to brother because of who he already was or whether he was actually inspired by the book, but my brother�s life ended up being a lot like Boat�s life. He, too, had a very specific idea of what the perfect house and life would be for him, and he has spent his whole life searching for it, even traveling to many different parts of the world in his search. But, unlike Boats, though he looked and looked, he still hasn�t found his perfect house and life, and now he�s in his early sixties and at a very low point indeed. 

When I was telling a close friend of our family about this, she said, �He�s so much your father.� And I knew immediately what she was talking about, even though my brother would be quite surprised by this comparison. Because even though my father had a very different kind of list of what it would take to make him happy, he, too, became discouraged and sad when his life didn�t turn out the way he�d hoped.

Later on I was musing to myself about how I�d managed to escape all that. You see, while my life didn�t exactly turn out the way I once dreamed it would�whose does?�I am content with and even grateful for how things have unfolded. Did I manage to escape the curse of being weighed down with a list of what it would take to make me happy because I was a girl and my father didn�t burden me with the ambitions and expectations a father has for a son? (In those days, girls were mainly supposed to just �marry well.�) Or, was it simply because my nature was just more like my mother�s than my dad�s?

All I do know is that when I first encountered yoga philosophy, it spoke powerfully to me. I remember one of the first things I read was Desikachar�s translation of the Yoga Sutras and how struck I was by his definition of santosha (one of the niyamas that a serious yoga practitioner should cultivate) and his translation of sutra 2.42.

�Contentment or the ability to be comfortable with what we have and what we do not have.� �TKV Desikachar 

�2.42 From contentment and benevolence of consciousness come supreme happiness.� �Yoga Sutras, trans. by TKV Desikachar 

In Edwin Bryant�s commentary on sutra 2.42, he explains it this way.  

�This sattvic happiness does not depend on external objects, which are vulnerable and fleeting, but is inherent in the mind when it is tranquil and content.�_Edwin Bryant 

And later on, when I carefully read the Bhagavad Gita, its basic message that it is equanimity that leads to happiness became a guiding light to me ever since.  

�For the pleasures that come from the world bear in them sorrows to come. They come and they go, they are transient: not in them do the wise find joy. 

But he who on this earth, before his departure, can endure the storms of desire and wrath, this man is a Yogi, this man has joy.
 
He has inner joy, he has inner gladness, and he has found inner Light.� �Bhagavad Gita 

How I wish my brother could switch from his �Boats Finds a House� philosophy to this one. But I�m afraid the patterns of his belief system (samskaras?) that only having everything right can make you happy is so strong that there is nothing I can do to make it shift. (Ssshh, I�m going to try, though.)

It is too late for my father. But in the last couple of years of his life, after my mother died and he was living in a retirement community, he did seem to reach some measure of peace. One day I drove him by the old house in Berkeley where he had lived with my mother for 15 years after he retired, and said, �I had a pretty good life, didn�t I? I had an interesting career, and a wonderful wife, and I built a beautiful house in Los Angeles�� 

�Yes,� I said. �You did.� 

For more information, see Yoga and the Pursuit of Happiness and Yoga Philosophy: Contentment

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Transforming Unhelpful Core Beliefs

by Beth

Egg by Melina Meza

Oh, the crazy things we believed as children. My friend Laurie fell off a swing while hanging upside down. She fractured her sternum, spent weeks with a taped chest, and for years believed she would never grow breasts. I believed that in order to get married, I would have to go door to door in my neighborhood to find a husband. One of my son�s childhood friends would not eat bread crusts because a neighbor told her they were baked worms.

Beliefs can be defined as thoughts we hold to be true even though we don�t have proof. When proof appears, beliefs become knowledge. Fortunately for Laurie, my son�s friend, and me, time and knowledge proved our childhood beliefs false. Even so, the emotional attachments to some beliefs defy knowledge and can have an impact on our lives as we age. Laurie did grow breasts but the emotional attachment to that accident left her uncomfortable inverting or hanging upside down in aerial yoga class.

Some core beliefs we hold are helpful and productive but others are not. For example, I believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness. I know this is not true but the emotional attachment to that belief results in responses like "Thanks, I got this," when unsolicited offers of help come my way. I can trace it back to watching the women in my family seemingly "do it all," alone. The key word here, as you may have guessed, is �seemingly.� The women in my family could have used help but I never saw them ask for it. Why? I can guess but I don�t know. They�ve passed on and I can�t ask them. But I�m left dealing with an emotional attachment to that belief (fear of dependency), which still impacts my behavior and quite possibly my emotional health.

It�s our emotional attachments to these core beliefs and our reactions to them that cause distress and discomfort. However, once we become aware of a counter-productive core belief and recognize the emotional attachment, we can take steps to transform it.

One helpful way of promoting healthy thinking comes from Patanjali�s Yoga Sutras: pratipaksha bhavanam. Joseph LePage, Director, Integrative Yoga Therapy, says that pratipaksha bhavanam is the �redirection of negative thoughts to positive ones.� Another interpretation comes from Gary Kraftsow�s American Viniyoga Institute:

Patanjali says if you have negative thinking that comes from anger, greed, or delusion, whether you�re actively in it or just thinking about it, the fruit will be unending suffering and ignorance. Therefore, �Pratipaksha bhavanam:� Take another view, reframe your perspective on the situation. Sutra [2.34]

To practice pratipaksha bhavanam, we need to recognize that one or more core beliefs may be impacting the balance of our lives in a counter-productive way. Next we can select a positive thought, intention, or resolve, and find ways to use it. We can write it down and tape it to the fridge or bathroom mirror so it�s visible every day. We can repeat it often, silently or out loud, as we move through our yoga practice, and we can keep it mentally handy every time we find that counter-productive core belief rising in the mind. Over time and with practice, the emotional attachment will gradually lose its charge and its power, enabling us to transform an unhealthy reaction into a positive, productive response.

Here are a few counter-productive core beliefs and suggested bhavanas to transform them:

Core Belief/Bhavana (Positive Resolve)

1. I can�t trust anybody/I trust myself
2. I�ll never be happy/I enjoy my life; I�m content
3. I�m too different/I am unique � how cool is that!
4. I don�t belong/I attract the right friends
5. I�m too old to (add your words here)/ I�m young at heart and I can (add your words here)
6. I�m too (fat, skinny, ugly etc.)/I love and accept my body

In my case, I need two bhavanas.

1. I ask for help when I need it.
2. I accept help when it is offered.

This practice requires discipline, patience, and consistency but the juice will be worth the squeeze because as we reduce emotional attachments to counter-productive core beliefs, we can better manage our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. 

Do you have a core belief that needs to be transformed?

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Working with the Witness

by Beth

Layer of Earth by Kazoo Shiraga*

As we age, we change. Wrinkles and gray hair appear, muscles begin to lose mass, and our relationship to society can change. In some cultures aging earns us status as wise elders to be revered; in others we are ignored or seen as no longer having value. Also, we may begin thinking about end of life issues, seeing death as loss, something to fear, or as a natural transition to something else (the something else often depends on our culture, country, family or spiritual beliefs). However, no matter who we are or where we live, cultivating and enhancing awareness and the ability to witness �what is� will enable us move through our aging process with integrity.

A simple definition of awareness is: knowledge or perception of a situation or fact. Awareness is at the heart of any definition of yoga. Practicing this becomes especially important to anyone who has ever stepped foot on a yoga mat or sat on a meditation cushion. You can read about Nina�s experience with awareness in her post The Power of Svadhyaya (Self Study).

The science of yoga offers many tools to cultivate awareness. Working with the Witness is a good one to consider. The Witness is the aspect of self that allows us to see ourselves in action as we are acting. The kosha model of yoga psychology focuses on five levels of awareness and is my go to context for working with the Witness. I�ll list them all separately here to talk about them but they are all ultimately one interrelated system. The five levels are:

1. Physical Level (Annamayakosha). This is the level that we experience through all of our senses including sight, hearing, taste, touch and smell. The ability to become aware of body sensations is a key step in activating the Relaxation Response and the healing process. This is the level that most people readily relate to and the level most focused on through yoga asana.

For me, working with the Witness helped me connect the dots between discomfort in backbends, such as Locust and Half Wheel, and headaches that followed a day or two after practicing. That awareness led to an appointment with a sports medicine doctor, who diagnosed me with spondylolisthesis. So I�ve been modifying my back bends and was delighted to read Shari�s post about spinal movements All About the Spine, which confirmed my experience. 

2. Breath-Energy Level (Pranamayakosha). Breath is the vehicle for the entry of oxygen and life energy, or prana, into the body. Learning to breathe effectively and efficiently is one of the most important lessons in yoga. When we are aware of our breath and how we breathe, we can better manage our moods and states of mind. This is key to managing stress and remaining calm no matter what is happening. 

3. Mental-Emotional Level (Manomayakosha). Mental awareness is based on what we perceive through our thoughts and feelings in two ways: 1) by analyzing and organizing our knowledge and experiences and 2) by intuition, hunch, inner voices, images, instant knowing, and fantasy. Emotional awareness helps us perceive and understand our habits, patterns and life lessons. 

By witnessing my periodic �blue funk days� while in the middle of them, I�ve discovered something interesting. When they lift�and so far they always do�I often experience intuitive flashes that result in writing ideas, home decoration projects, and themes for my yoga classes, or those AHA! moments that lead to new understandings. I�m now aware of them as they make their appearance and I�ve learned to �ride the emotional wave� instead of trying to cut it short. 

4. Wisdom-Witness Level (Vijnyanamayakosha). The Witness is the lamp that illuminates all aspects of ourselves (persona and shadow) for integration and acceptance. When we are able to witness our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without judgment, we can cultivate and deepen our ability to recognize our patterns and consciously choose to make changes. 

5. Bliss Level (Anandamayakosha). This is unity consciousness, going with the flow of life whether positive or difficult. It is direct experience of the universal energy or connectedness that we can tap into through consistent practice, which we control, and grace, which we do not control. 

One tool to wake and work with the Witness is the body scan. The technique focuses on engaging and deepening awareness at all levels of being to promote healing (as opposed to curing, which may sometimes be a happy side effect). Depending on your needs and readiness, body scans will focus on some or all of the koshas. There are many techniques and ways to practice this, and you can learn to self-guide. 

Here is a short self-guided script that you can practice in any comfortable position. First, make an intention to witness whatever arises without judgment and then gradually move your awareness through your body, breath, and mind as you say the following to yourself:

I am aware of my feet, ankles, lower legs, knees, upper legs, hips, waist, belly, low back, rib cage, mid-back, chest, upper back, shoulders, neck, face and the top of my head. (Pause) 

From the top of my head awareness moves over my face, down my neck, out over my shoulders and down my arms to my hands and fingers. I welcome any sensations or information I receive. (Pause) 

I notice my breath and watch the inhalation and exhalation. The breath comes and goes naturally, not changing in any way. Where is the movement of the breath felt? In my belly, chest, throat, nostrils? (Pause)

I watch the ebb and flow, the rise and fall, the in and out of the natural, essential breathing process. I am totally aware of my breath and my breathing. (Pause) 

Now, I move my attention to the mind and my thoughts. Do they flow easily from one thing to another or are they fixed on one thing? (Pause) 

Are they focused on the past or do they center on the future? (Pause) 

Can I see each thought, simply rising and passing one by one? Can I be aware of thinking while I am thinking? (Pause) 

I am now calm, relaxed, and aware. I rest in myself, breathing slowly and deeply. (Pause and rest here as long as you like)

Personally, I find this useful for grounding during stressful times, and it works like a charm those fortunately rare nights when I have trouble falling asleep. With practice, you can lengthen or shorten your explorations. Or you can begin the practice with prepared recordings. A little research will turn up many options. Voice, pace, length, tone, and content vary. Most will allow you to sample your choice before you buy. Be sure to pick one that feels just right for you.

With practice we learn to become aware, or conscious, of ourselves on all levels of our being. We can then bring clear and focused attention to what we find; accept and integrate all aspects of the aging process, pleasant and not so pleasant, and if we chose make conscious changes that bring us into alignment with our individual lives. Working with the Witness helps us move through our aging process with strength, flexibility, balance, wisdom, and grace.

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It's Complicated: Moving Toward Equanimity

by Beth

�It�s complicated.� That was our tour guide speaking from the front of the bus as it rumbled toward La Habana (Havana). She was describing the history, politics, and economics of Cuba. On day one of my 10-day cultural trip to Cuba with Global Arts/Media, I learned that in spite of certain guarantees from the Cuban government�free housing, education, health care and a monthly ration of food for each family�life is hard. Living in poverty is a daily reality for many Cubans, who supplement their meager salaries by selling whatever they can offer. Many simply beg and American tourists are the new target audience. 

When approached by Cubans selling books, CDs, caricature sketches, or food, or simply asking directly for money, our guide informed us that the appropriate response for refusal was �No, gracias,� and that we could expect to repeat that phrase many times as once would not be enough for those who wanted our dollars or CUCs (special tourist pesos). 

How true that turned out to be.

Dealing with the street vendors was easy. Because there was a concrete exchange involved, my answer always came after a few seconds of conscious thought. Dealing with begging was different. I�d seen examples of begging on television travel shows but I�d never experienced it up close and personal. Before leaving on this trip, I did what I do every December, sifting through the pile of solicitation letters from non-profit organizations and writing out checks to those that help feed, clothe, provide medical care for the poor and help children. But give money to people who walked up, looked me in the eye and asked for money directly with an open expectant hand? That was unnerving and I said, �No, gracias.� As an introvert, I felt really uncomfortable. And that feeling was later complicated by an emotional residue of guilt and �maybe I should have.� 

Then two things happened. 

I was standing outside Artesanos Cubanos, an artists� collective, looking at my purchases, a necklace and a beautiful hand carved box with an OM symbol on the lid. I heard two sounds, a tapping and a clinking. When I looked up, I saw him. His blind eyes were filmed over and unblinking. The cane in his left hand tapped the cobblestones. His right hand shook a can with coins in it. He made his way carefully past me and continued down Obispo Street. Immediately, without a single conscious thought, I wove my way through the throng of tourists and locals to drop a handful of coins into his can. �Gracias,� he said.

�Por nada,� I replied.

The next day, again, spontaneously, without a conscious thought, I gave money to a one-legged man in a wheelchair who silently held out his hat as he sat by the fence at Plaza de Armas where our tour bus dropped us off. 

Back home the phrase, �It�s complicated� filled most of my mind time. After thinking, mulling, and pondering for a couple of weeks I came up with three questions I wanted to answer in order to put my experience with begging in a context that would allow me to find some measure of peace with the emotional residue of guilt and �maybe I should have.� 

1. Why was I so focused on this aspect of the trip as opposed to the artists and musicians I met and the culture I experienced?

This answer to this one was, thankfully, uncomplicated and twofold. First, I needed to understand the �why� behind my emotional response to direct begging. And, second, at this stage of life being free-tired,� (I prefer the word �free-tired� to �retired�), I find myself blessed with time and a strong inclination to ponder how best to apply the tools of yoga to healthy aging. 

,

2. What factors, conscious and unconscious, influenced my responses? 

Patanjali�s Yoga Sutras is my first go-to source for insight. I wasn�t sure where to begin, so I started from the beginning. My plan was to go one by one until I found what I was looking for. Turns out I didn�t have to go very far. I hit pay dirt at 1.7. I used The Unadorned Thread of Yoga (Salvatore Sambita) to survey 12 translations and then turned to the translation and commentary by I. K. Taimni, The Science of Yoga, which states: 

(Facts of) right knowledge (are based on) direct cognition, inference or testimony. 

My observation of the two men I gave money to offered direct cognition of their situation. One was clearly blind. If he had worn sunglasses, I might not have been able to deduce that fact. The other clearly had one leg. They did not directly ask for money so my �discomfort button� did not get pushed.

The other begging situations felt complicated. Although I had some general background on poverty in Cuba, I could not determine from observation or inference what their personal stories might have been, and since I did not speak the language, first-hand testimony was not possible. And as an introvert, I would not have asked.

3. Did I respond appropriately from a yogic perspective?

This one got really complicated for me. It took more thinking, pondering, and reflecting until I had my answer. In Sutra 1.33, I. K. Taimni states: 

The mind becomes clarified by cultivating attitudes of friendliness, compassion, gladness and indifference respectively toward happiness, misery, virtue and vice.

The word "indifference" threw me. It can be so easily misconstrued as apathy or not caring, so I checked some of the other translations and chose the one by Georg Feuerstein: 

The projection of friendliness, compassion, gladness and equanimity towards objects � [be they] joyful, sorrowful, meritorious or demeritorious � [bring about] the pacification of consciousness. 

The word "equanimity" felt right. It means mental or emotional stability or composure, especially under tension or strain. 

My experience with the blind man and the man with one leg was peaceful. My response was immediate�there was no emotional charge, positive or negative. Equanimity was present. Even though I felt compassion toward those who asked directly for money, I did not experience equanimity, as my discomfort and the emotional residue of guilt and �maybe I should have� clearly demonstrated. I reacted instead of responding. If equanimity had been present, no matter my choice of action, there would not have been that strong emotional charge. 

This was the Aha! moment that uncomplicated my confusion and discomfort, and raised two more questions. How does one respond to both perceived joy and suffering with equanimity? Is it possible to experience life�s ups and downs in this five-senses material world without emotional charges, positive or negative? 

The answers, for me and for many of us, are both complicated and uncomplicated. It can feel complicated when we first confront and grapple with the concept of equanimity. It�s less complicated if we practice svadhyaya (self-study) and reach a point of understanding. It slowly becomes uncomplicated when that understanding filters through body, breath, and mind as we practice equanimity using the wisdom and tools of yoga. 

So, it looks like I have my work cut out for me. It�s been six weeks of thinking, mulling, and contemplation. With this new awareness I can begin practicing. I am sure that it will be a long slog. I will, no doubt, take one step forward and two steps back, and then repeat the process over and over again. The concept of equanimity is now �top of mind,� and will be a new aspect of my yoga practice, from asana to meditation. 

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